Grandpa: He's There for Me When I Need Him the Most
by
Mary Ellen Gutierrez
Some spirits take so long to learn once they're on the Other Side that they often retain their less than desirable personality traits for quite a long time. My grandpa is one such spirit. He was always cutting down Mom in life, saying all sorts of stuff to me about her. I did not find out until years after he was dead that he mentally and emotionally abused my mother regularly. When he moved to San Antonio when I was 9 Mom told me years later she felt like throwing a party because she could see he was trying to turn me against her just to hurt her.
To this day, Grandpa will come through sometimes and even NOW he'll say bad stuff about Mom & criticize her unfairly and I tell him, "you're dead now! GET OVER IT!!! And why the hell do you pick on her so much!' Then he continues to gripe so I ask him to leave. However, sometimes he's really there for me, like when I was studying like crazy for my 3-day Masters Degree Comprehensive Written Exam while I was in the process of completing my Master's degree in Anthropology at the University of California, Santa Barbara. That exam was taken over 3 days from 8 - 5 with 1 hr off for lunch each day. It was all handwritten and we had to regurgitate everything we ever learnt about anthropology, archeology, scientific theory, PLUS have 2 geographic regions as our places of expertise from which we could draw examples! It was GRUELING, to say the least!
Well, on the morning of the first day I was praying for help, LOTS
of it, when I heard grandpa's familiar shuffling walk in front of my windows.
It was so familiar to me as I had heard it a thousand times before while he was
living, that I didn't think anything of it. It was 7:30 AM. I
thought, "oh, Grandpa must be going to get the paper." At home
he'd go every morning at 7:30 without fail, until the Chicago SunTimes printed
something that pissed him off, then he never bought the paper again!
But this was in Illinois. When I took that exam I was in Santa Barbara, CA.
So he had come all that way just to let me know he was there. So I knew
I'd pass, and I did. Not very well, but I passed.
The next time he came to support me was the day I got married. I was
crying because at the time my parents could not afford to fly to Texas from
Illinois. I had only one friend from college rsvp to our invitations, so
besides our mutual friends at church where my husband and I had met, I would have
only one person there for me, well, besides my matron of honor, who was the
sister of the guy who introduced me to my husband and a very dear friend of mine.
I was depressed and crying, feeling sorry for myself at my apartment. My
matron of honor came by to help me get ready & drive me to the church.
She was all upset that I was so upset so we both cried over it, then as she
hugged me I suddenly smelled cigar smoke. It was all around her as if she
had a cigar going at that very moment. Then I saw her wrinkle her
nose and I said, "do you smell that?" she did & then
I realized it was Grandpa. I started crying all over again thanking him
for coming to my wedding. So I had one family member there and the faint
smell of cigar smoke clung in the air throughout the ceremony and the luncheon
afterwards! Several people commented on it and a few even joked with me
(including my husband) that I needed to get over my nerves & stop smoking
cigars!!!!!
The next time he came when I needed support was the day I was to give my oral
defense for my dissertation. Grandpa had always been proud of how smart I
was & he'd brag about me every chance he got. That morning I drove to
campus, nervous as hell. Doctoral oral defenses are the most stressful
time of your life. They can last up to 3 hours. A majority of your
committee (3 members out of 5) must attend. Your professors sit at a long
table with you at the head. They have notes, you do not. Then they
bombard you with questions based on what you said in your thesis.
When I got to the elevator one of my committee members ran in after me. We
joked about both of us being late. As we went up I started smelling cigar
smoke and I thought "wow! Grandpa is here! This means I'm going
to pass like I did my exam at Santa Barbara!" I was so happy.
Then my professor looked at me and said, "Mary! Since when did you
start smoking cigars! I know it's chic now, but for a young lady like you
it just isn't becoming!" Then we laughed and I told him that's not
me. He laughed and said he's a nonsmoker. Then he looked around
& asked with a quizzical expression on his face, "hey? Just who's
in here with us?" Absently I said, "oh, that's just my grandpa
come to wish me luck." He said, "oh, okay" then he said,
"what?!?" I told him it was grandpa's spirit and he put his hand
on my shoulder and looked me dead in the eye and said with all seriousness,
"well, then, it seems to me you are a very fortunate young lady. How
wonderful for you!"
Well, they went around the table once with their questions, then there were 2
more questions. After that no one had any more questions. I had
answered them better than satisfactory, and a couple were really "out
there," and almost tripped me up because they were not directly related to
my topic. Then I was told to wait in the hall. That was the longest
5 minutes of my life! As my committee chairperson held the door open for
me to leave the room she wrinkled her nose and said, "what asshole has been
smoking cigars in the hallway!" I laughed & said, "Oh,
that's just my dead Grandpa here to support me."
She said, "Oh! Really? Well, please ask your Grandpa to refrain
from smoking!" She was really open to such things.
My professors debated for 5 minutes. The LONGEST of my ENTIRE life, even
longer than the 14 hours I was in labor with my daughter. I mean, with labor you
pretty much know how it's going to go. Pain, pain, and more pain. Shots.
IV's, epidural, then baby pops out, screams, you got a kid. No big secret.
With my defense, I wasn't sure, but with Grandpa there I knew it would be fine.
They called me back in and one of my professors let it slip and addressed me as
"Dr. Gutierrez," the very first to do so. My entire defense,
including the 5 minute deliberation lasted only 28 minutes. Everyone was
shocked at how well I did. Everyone but Grandpa, obviously! Once
they addressed me as "Doctor" and congratulated me all around, the
smell of the smoke suddenly left. I guess Grandpa had wanted to be there
for that "first," too.
The next time Grandpa stopped by was in the delivery room as they were busy prepping me for the
surprise c-section. My husband said, "hey! who the hell has been
smoking cigars in here! What the f*** kind of hospital is this!" My
husband doesn't normally use language like that in public, he was just freaking out over
everything. There I was all doped up and I'm telling him, "that's
just Grandpa come to welcome his great-granddaughter into the world, leave him
alone!" The doctors all just laughed, but one of them started looking
around nervously, which scared me as she was the one doing the actual incision.
Despite all that, the few times Grandpa has talked, he is always criticizing Mom
and he really upsets me so I tell him to leave until he gets a more mature
attitude about things. So I know spirits keep all their same foibles and
lousy attitudes until they progress with their lessons on the Other Side.
However, that doesn't mean they can't be there for you when you need them the
most. So the next time you smell flowers, cigars (if they smoked), booze
(if they drank a lot), and you can't tell where the smell is coming from,
chances are that's just a departed loved one trying to tell you that they are
there with you and that everything will turn out just fine.
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